How to Be An Adult | Lessons in Responsibility

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Do you find it easy to blame your parents for your shortcomings? Learn valuable lessons in adulting and how to take responsibility for yourself.

There are a lot of blogs and articles today about parenting.

“You must do this!”

“You shouldn’t do that!”

“You’re messing up your child but it’s ok because here’s how to fix it!”

All of these fill our inboxes and newsfeeds sometimes on a daily basis. No wonder we have generations of parents confused about raising their kids.

But, then there is the advice that takes it a step too far.

Do you find it easy to blame your parents for your shortcomings? Learn valuable lessons in adulting and how to take responsibility for yourself. | Adult | Life Lessons | Parenting | Caregiving | Self-Care

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The Well-Intentioned Mom

I recently read an article about “messages parents don’t intend to send”. The very first paragraph, the author talked about how her mother’s encouraging words meant to elevate her actually served to wound her self-confidence. She blamed her mother but softened it by acknowledging how “well-intentioned” her mom was.

The article went on to talk about how the things we do as parents like handing our infant a toy they are reaching for, or propping them up with pillows, or teaching them how to do something like a puzzle is actually sending them a message of their own inadequacy which they will then carry on into their adult lives.

Wow.

As if we, as parents, don’t carry enough guilt around. Let’s start worrying about how we might “unintentionally” mess up our kids!

Related Post: Easy Ways to CONQUER Your Single Parent Days

Take Responsibility for Yourself

Legally, parents have 18 years to take you from “infant blob” to “functioning adult”. There are a lot of things that you will have to learn in that short 1/4 of your life.

As a parent, you do your best to teach your children the foundations of being a responsible adult; prioritizing the important lessons while trying to get through the struggles of “every day”.

We are all wired differently, affirmation and positivity works well for some. There are others who need affirmation with a touch of criticism. Our job as parents is to learn how to parent OUR CHILD who is like no other.

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Looking for Someone to Blame

Now, in the midst of school and carpools and healthy eating, and boundaries we’re supposed to also predict the future and prepare our children for every possible adult scenario or character trait they may learn from our unintentional subliminal messaging.

We all have an ideal parent running around in our minds that we will never live up to. The last thing we need is an article written by professionals telling us that we are subconsciously ruining our child but with good intentions.

In reality, adults want someone to blame for their shortcomings.

My MIL is adopted. Her mother accidentally informed her of this when my MIL was in her 50s. It was naturally a shocking discovery but now she uses this fact as an excuse for every wrong decision, every shortcoming, even her Dementia.

Related Posts: How to Handle Elderly Bad Behavior

Facebook

I was scrolling through my newsfeed the other day and a question popped up that was asked in a group I belong to.

How many of you take care of your parents even though they were horrible parents?

What followed was 200+ comments about difficult childhoods. Some were legitimate complaints. Most though were about how their parent messed them up because they were not “perfect” parents. Some of them even admitted that they just never got along with mom/dad. But, all of them blamed their parent for their character flaws.

  • “My parents never took us anywhere so now I have social anxiety.”
  • “I was spoiled by my parents and now I don’t know how to handle money.”
  • “My parents never made me do chores and now I don’t know how to run a washing machine.”
  • “I was forced to do chores and now I don’t like to clean.”

Don’t Blame Your Parents

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. We all have flaws. There are going to be things that we are required to do as adults that we weren’t taught how to do. Instead of blaming your parents:

  • Determine to change. Find an accountability partner and work on the character that bothers you
  • Find help. If you don’t know how to do something, ask! Google is awesome. Pinterest has everything you never knew you needed to know. You can even find YouTube videos on how to fold a fitted sheet.
  • Start looking at mistakes as opportunity for change. If you find yourself in large amounts of debt, look for ways you can help yourself become more frugal.

Related Post: The Secret to Greater Productivity | How Accountability Can Help you Reach Your Goals

Lessons in “Adulting”

adultingIt would be amazing if we turned 18 and knew everything there is to know about living a successful and fulfilled life. Learning does not end when you receive a diploma.

Now, instead of learning how to read and write and who did what when (you know, history), we are learning how to meal plan and budget.

Instead of blaming our parents for not teaching us how to do our taxes when we were 16, admit that you don’t know and learn it! Stop blaming your parents for what you don’t know!

I am a mom like so many others trying to do my best with my kids. I am also a daughter with a mom who did an awesome job raising three kids who all have adult issues. But these issues are not because she showed me how to work a puzzle instead of letting me figure it out on my own.

Bad stuff happens to all of us but maybe we should start looking inward and find a solution through prayer, trusted advice, and even Pinterest instead of finding someone else to blame. It’s time to stop blaming the parents and as adults start taking responsibility for ourselves.

Did you like this post? What are some harsh lessons in “adulting” you have had to learn? Let me know in the comments below!

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Do you find it easy to blame your parents for your shortcomings? Learn valuable lessons in adulting and how to take responsibility for yourself. | Adult | Life Lessons | Parenting | Caregiving | Self-Care

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