Marriage

How to Make Your Husband Your Priority in Your Sandwiched Home

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A good marriage is like most things in life. It requires time and effort. Discover how to make your husband your priority.

When you’re a sandwiched homemaker you are constantly surrounded by people who need you for something. Even natural things like needing to use the bathroom require planning and effort. At the end of the day you feel emotionally spent and physically touched out.

Your husband comes home from work and instead of feeling happy to see him, you feel like it’s just one more person’s needs that you have to meet.

With everything else on your plate, why should you make your husband a priority now?

I know it seems hard to believe right now but there will come a time when you won’t be needed as much anymore. Don’t wait to focus on your marriage when that’s all you have left. Your marriage should not be an afterthought. Why wait to have a great marriage?

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A big part of life is realizing that you can’t make anyone change. Stop being miserable and make changes in and for yourself! If you see something that isn’t working in your marriage (or anything in life for that matter), decide what you can do to change it.

Related Post: How to Be An Adult | Lessons in Responsibility

How to make your husband a priority

With your aging parent’s needs and the needs of your kids we want to think of our husband as “the least”. He’s a grown man, after all and probably the least demanding. Shouldn’t he understand and be ok with being placed at the bottom of our priority list?

A good marriage is like most things in life. It requires time and effort. You will find when you put your marriage first, the rest of your home will benefit too.

Welcome him home

Until recently I couldn’t wait until my husband came home. I wish I could say it was because I missed him and his company. While there was a small bit of me that really did miss him what I really wanted was for him to realize how difficult my day had been and appreciate all I had been through. I would plan exactly what I would say to him so I was prepared the second he appeared in the kitchen.

My husband rarely said a negative word to me. He would try to listen as the kids clamored for his attention. He would offer his opinion that I would immediately shoot down.

Had he not been listening? What a ridiculous solution!

My husband would get frustrated with me and we would spend our evening annoyed at each other.

I couldn’t understand why we spent so many angry evenings.

Not all of our evenings were like this so one day I decided to figure out what the differences were. I made a list of what I did on the evenings where things went well and what I did on the evenings where things did not and I discovered the “secret” to a nice evening with my husband.

  1. Greet him at the door with a smile
  2. Let him know how happy you are to see him
  3. Ask about his day and be ok with his answer
  4. Save any discussion – good and bad – for after dinner

There is a major switch that must happen in your husband’s brain when he comes home that takes some time. He has to go from a business mindset to a loving husband and father mindset. By bombarding him at the door, this switch is forced.

Related Post: Should My Husband have to Help with the Housework?

Be intentional about quality time

For a long time in our marriage, I would see the time when my husband was home primarily as an extra set of hands to help me with the kids and his mom while I tried to catch up on everything I needed to do.

What resulted was him and I spending a lot of his time home in separate spaces until I decided to finally go to bed. He would be putting the kids to bed while I cleaned the kitchen. As I was doing laundry and picking up the living room, he would be getting ready for bed. Then when I would sit down to work on my computer, he would be watching TV in the bedroom.

It made me angry because I felt like he wasn’t being supportive in my work and we never spent any time together. What could I do? These things had to be done.

I decided to make some adjustments.

  1. I have the kitchen mostly clean by the time my husband comes home. Dinner is on plates, lunches, made, and food put away. This way I only have a few dishes to wash after dinner and can join my family.
  2. My husband goes to bed shortly after our kids and my MIL. It’s his way of winding down after a stressful workday. I decided to make some adjustments to my routines and moved folding laundry to my evening routine so I could spend more time with him. Now, my chores are getting done but I’m also spending time with my husband.
  3. I get up at least an hour before my husband so I can focus on his needs before we leave for work. Im able to spend some much needed quiet time alone. This lets me be fully awake and present before my husband leaves. We’re able to catch 15-minutes of one-on-one conversation that has greatly enhanced our communication.

Give your husband the best of you.

Does this idea seem antiquated to you? For a long time it did for me. Shouldn’t my husband be the one person with whom I could let my guard down?

Let’s get real here. Being a decent person takes a lot of effort! I don’t always feel like being a good human being and the work I put into being one can get exhausting. Shouldn’t I get a break from that with my husband?

No.

You should always desire to be your best for your husband. This doesn’t mean you shelve all emotion and walk around like a Stepford wife. It doesn’t mean you put on an evening gown and get all made up every evening before your husband comes home.

How can you realistically be the best for your husband?

  1. Be present. Put down your phone and listen to him. Be intentional about time spent with him.
  2. You know those nice compliments your husband gives you when you dress a certain way or go the extra mile in your appearance? Why not do that more often? You don’t have to be “glammed up”. Change your shirt. Put on his favorite perfume (or just refresh your deodorant). Redo your ponytail.
  3. Don’t let your bad mood affect how you treat and talk to your husband. Would you go out in public and take your mood out on a stranger? How about your friends? Why would you do that to the man who should be the most important person in your life? I’m not suggesting you are to never have any emotion other than happy. There is a great difference in sharing our pain and lashing out at someone.

Having a strong marriage is more important than ever in your sandwiched home. In this age of feminism and self-care, making your husband a priority seems old-fashioned at best. You will find it does great things to strengthen your marriage.

Did you like this post? What are ways you make your husband a priority during this season of caring for an aging parent? Let me know in the comments below.

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